“Heaviest Element Known to Man Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it anatomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.”

(HT: My F-I-L)

Most Christians go to Christian bookstores to buy things. Jenn and I go to find new stuff to make fun of. We are rarely disappointed. And tonight was no exception. Check out some of the highlights…

“In the same way, the critic of Jesus junk stores is assumed to be a critic of Jesus.  But of course, scriptural satire assumes that the foremost critic of Jesus junk stores would be Jesus Himsself.  If Christ were to go to the Christian Booksellers convention (CBA) and see all the crap being hawked with His name on it, He could spend all day there turning over the tables.  The reason we have a problem with this, and not with the account of Christ cleansing the temple two thousand years ago, is that in this scenario, Christ is messing with our tables, our profits, our religios scams.  Everybody is against two thousand year old sins.  But it takes a prophet to be against the currently approved abominations.” Douglas Wilson.